A Note on Decorum        

The following is a reminder of the decorum expected of Members of Hampton Roads Polyamory (Ha.R.P.)

"Open" public events such as Ha.R.P. monthly dinners, Chili Night, summer picnics, Meet & Greets...anything billed as "open" or public on the main list...require we put our best face forward.  Decorum.  Behavior.  Appearance *and* actions.  In effect, we are interviewed by prospective members just as we are interviewing them for Ha.R.P. Membership/Private List.

Open, public events are designed for prospective members to interact with the established Members of the group, so they can make an informed decision on whether they want to pursue membership. As comfortable as most of us are with each other, we need to keep in mind that many others are still unsure about us as well as the group as a whole.  We want them to join Ha.R.P. because they are Poly and they want to learn more about Polyamory so we need to be aware of first impressions.  For Ha.R.P.,  our first impression is a collective venture.

Please pay close attention to the event announcements and look for the "event level" or other disclaimers.  We are trying hard to be more consistent and provide the information necessary for each person to make an informed decision to attend. Currently the event levels are "General Audience", "Adult Conversation", and "Nudity, Sensual/Sexual Touch" (only Member/Private events at this time).  If you have any questions, a document describing these event levels is located in the "Files" section of the group.

No specific dress code will be given but please use common sense.  Be appropriate to the nature of the Ha.R.P. event and the intended audience.  Many of these events are family-oriented and children will be present.  It's not about a business suit nor a birthday suit - just somewhere in between, something you can wear in public at typical chain restaurant like Fuddrucker's and be served as opposed to being shown the door.

Clothing choice is a personal preference. People can choose what and what not to wear. That's not to say that anything people wear is appropriate for a given situation.  Again, this is a common sense issue.  If you want someone's first impression of you to be, say, an open mesh shirt with no bra (if you're female), then there's nothing to stop you. Just be prepared for the reaction and response that follows because you're giving an extreme first impression.  Before you walk out the door ask yourself these three questions. Would I wear it to Fuddrucker's?  If I've worn it before, what reaction did I get from those who didn't know me?  Is this clothing "me" or will I be explaining my choice all night?  If you can honestly answer Yes, None, and Yes then wear the clothing in question.  If not, wear something else.

Conversation is just as important as appearance.  Use common sense and do not discuss "adult" topics near children at family-oriented events.  We may be Poly but our children are still children.  It is easy to slip when enjoying conversation among friends so remain vigilant.  This includes being aware of your surrounding audience when we are in a public location.  Also, please refrain from discussing the specific details of a Member/Private event at our public "open" events - including the main Ha.R.P. list.   It is all about first impressions.  If someone hears we offer a Sensual Massage Experience where most everyone is nude, what else do you think they expect?

PDA's or Public Displays of Affection also fall under this topic.  We are an open group, very comfortable with each other but that does not mean that the entire group as well as any prospective members in attendance are ready to know how intimate you may be with someone else.  This is particularly important at our family-oriented, "General Audience" events.  Use that old favorite Common Sense again and don't act like those sixteen year olds groping and pawing each other in the mall.

We know folks like rules about as much as the board likes making them, but here's where a little common sense goes a long way. If you stop and think before you act, then in certain situations we wouldn't be backed into a corner.  We started this group with a minimum of rules and we would really like to keep it that way.  If everyone uses common sense and decorum we will not be forced to put a rule on every little behavior.


Thank you,
Ha.R.P. Board of Directors